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Below are the 18 most recent journal entries recorded in ghostballet's LiveJournal:

Sunday, October 12th, 2008
11:11 pm
Relative Negligence
Greetings my beautiful people,

So I don't get inspired to put words here often.  I get caught up in the day to day and I journal on my virtual paper.  The world doesn't get to read that and it's for the best, really.  I'm on Facebook.  That seems more the speed of my life lately.  I can put up a quick thing, and spend less time thinking about what I'm going to do next or write next and get on with the doing it part.  It's why I don't understand twitter.  Too much time talking about what I'm doing and less time doing what I'm doing.  I lead a relatively disconnected life sometimes...focus Hammy....and well, I like to revel in my experiences and get distracted when I have to disect them.

I also know that I don't have to write massive and deep missives here.  I'm less pent up artistically now, which helps.  So thanks for stopping by and with any luck, I'll have something up here that actually makes a certain amount of coherent sense and doesn't take y'all half of your workday to read and decipher.  Maybe I'm not as relatively negligent after all.

Be good to yourselves.
- Kevin/ghost

Current Mood: contemplative
Friday, September 28th, 2007
10:45 pm
Warriors fallen....
Hello my beautiful people,

I hate posts like this.  I hate having to tell anybody that I love that somebody they knew or cared about or that I cared about is no longer of the earth.  I realize we all die, and that those of us who live, have to live with the fact that we all die.  I'm not sure that makes the telling any easier.

maestrateresa passed away early this evening in her home.  She was one of the most beautiful people in the whole world.

I don't have any other news right now.  Her mother had come down and many friends will surround her son for awhile.

More as I find out.  Love to you all. - Kevin/ghost

Current Mood: sad
Monday, September 17th, 2007
4:55 am

Hello all you beautiful people out there.  Contrary to popular opinion, I do exist and have not been eaten by a grue.  If I have to explain that, I'm going to claim complete ignorance....but I digress...or do I digrue?  Hmmmrmrrm.

It's late, or early, depending on your point of view.  I'm working in the 5th circle of Hell and have been for about the last 13 weeks now.   Luckily, I've discovered an off-shift here in one of the more obscure smoldering sections and so I'm only disturbed by the shreiking of the false prophets when they come coherent at about 5:30 in the morning.  All in all, the silence is lovely and I don't have to deal with any of the politik office blah that one would have here in Lucifer's NAS emporium.

I've gone back to school.  It's quiet lovely.  I'm taking nine units:  Geology, 2-D Design, Art History.  I've been horribly negligent and haven't applied to SJ State yet.  I need to do that as I can't stay in the safe, warm (read less expensive) community college system forever.   I again have a radio show on Thursday afternoons between 1230 and 1330 Pacific.  I will probably have another one on Tuesdays at the same time, depends on how much sleep I feel that I need to get.  Because of my work schedule, I sleep when I get out of class until my awesome family comes home...about four hours on Monday and Wednesday and five to six on Tuesday and Thursday.  More than any growing boy needs right?

I pulled cards tonight and got my usual results from my Dali deck.  Visciously accurate, wickedly pointed, and uncomfortably truthful.  I hate that deck...which is why it's so good for me.  Reminds me to respect the path, much like a cosmic Pan Galactic Gargleblaster.  I won't explain that reference either.  Google it or something if you don't know.  I'm writing again.  Much like the deck, I don't like the results, nor do I much like the content.  Unfortunately, it's pretty good this time so I don't quite know how to proceed.  When I last went through a space like this, the writing was sporadic, not very good, and I was able to lock it away on a zip drive and ignore it.  What's coming now is near a constant and unpleasant mental noise that is blanketing out all other concentration.  That's the part that truly sucks as I don't have time to listen, just become more and more irritated by it.  Such is.  What I lose to my inablity to manage time, regardless of quality, will be gone.  The world will never know and I can't own what I lose to the wind.

Three and a bit more hours on shift.  The prophets start screaming in about 45 so I'll have to dampen the tunes at that point.  Pitchfork and lava rock orders are starting to build up anyway.  Be good to yourselves...sleep for me please.



Current Mood: groggy
Saturday, April 28th, 2007
12:57 pm
Hello my beautiful people,

Tonight is the last night for Degas and I'm feeling a little sad.  I remember, long ago, how I used to feel when I closed a show.  At least back in high school and when I was with American Dance and Drama, we had cast parties but with the disjointed structure of the shows and casts, we don't even meet after shows or connect much at all really.  I'm doubting that we will do anything as a cast until Tuesday and that will look a lot like class.   Both "Women and Wallace" and "Degas C'est moi" end tonight and the festival ends on Sunday.  While we have strike on Sunday afternoon, I am already seeing a bit of that old let down that the show is done.  Not sure quite what to do about that beyond just let it happen and make my own closure.  Used to be the old drinking and smoking that got me through that, not this time.   I've got a gathering of good friends on Sunday.  I shall make that my own personal cast party and be with my people.  

Have a good one.  Bye see ya.

Current Mood: disappointed
Thursday, April 26th, 2007
5:06 pm
Goes that way sometimes...
Happy Thursday my beautiful people....

So the halfway point for the student one acts was yesterday, here's what's left.

Thursday, April 26th at 7:30 pm
Friday, April 27th at 7:30 pm
Saturday, April 28th at 7:30 pm
Sunday, April 29th at 2 pm

These are all FREE at SJCC.  I'm attempting to act on Friday and Saturday.  Now you know.

My radio shows have been completely messed up due to the timing of everything theater this last couple of weeks.  I'm being shadowed by a proto-DJ on Wednesday next (May 2 at 2 pm) and will split my show with her on the following Wednesday (May 9th at 2pm).  I'd tell you who it is but I don't know what her secret DJ name is yet.  Kind of like superheroes but no tights....well at least not that I'll let on about while I'm on the air.

I have exam 3 of Environmental Science on Monday.  I have a paper due in World Lit on Tuesday.  Strike for the shows is on Sunday and Tuesday and I have my initial pass on my theater final due on Tuesday.  Journalism on Monday will involve my being the moderator for a one hour talk about language and negative stereotypes...that will be live at 4 pm on the first of May.  Seems I have a phone interview on Tuesday, which is our Beltane and Mayday....whoa.  Weird clerical gig...I'll keep you posted on what that all looks like.

It's busy here lately.  School gets out in less than a month...then it just gets nuts!  Be good to yourselves.

Current Mood: productive
Wednesday, March 28th, 2007
12:55 am
Shows and Shows and Shows
Okay kids, I promised you weird and wonderful news as it came to pass.  Now I ask you not only to jot it down and come and see the stuff, but to go and tell it on the mountain or whisper it in the streets or something.  I need your body and your mind.  Well, actually, your body would be nice and I only need your mind if you remember to pack it.  While I will always accept your etherial guidance in my life, the ectoplasm always is a pain to get out of my shirts.

I need your ears tomorrow.  The show is entitled "Skip a Beat" and is all stuff that makes your toes tap.  Okay, so it makes my toes tap and I am the DJ.  Go to the url:  http://www.live365.com/stations/kjcc or drive no farther than 3/4 of a mile from the corner of Leigh and Moorpark in San Jose and tune your radio to 104.1 FM.  Do this between 1300 and 1500 hours, March 28th....that's really soon.

As you should know, or have at least suspected, I've been involving myself in the theater at San Jose City College.  It's been a wonderful experience to return after all this time away.  Oddly, I feel a little guilty for the amount of fun that I'm having, and so, to that end, I must start abusing you with the product of the art.  I'm the technical director for all 8 plays that are being performed in the festival, but, due to an inability to duck, I am also in one of them.  Yes, the tech geek will be seen on stage in an actual speaking role for Degas C'est moi.  Not only can you come and be horribly embarassed that you know somebody who had something to do with this, but you can point and laugh when you see me too.  Hey, did I mention that it's free?  You just have to show up on time.  I'll mark the shows below that I'm in (*), but I do recommend coming and checking out all of the shows, or a couple of them twice, if your time allows.  The beauty of college theater is it's extremely experimental and some of it is just plain weird.  I know you groove on weird.  It's free weird....park and walk in the theater....experience weird.   Bring your friends, bring people you want to impress with your knowledge and appreciation of local theater, bring people you don't know because it's a warm and dry place to sleep, bring people you love to expand their minds and to do something together, come in to one of the weekday shows because you'd rather be watching actual people on a stage performing for your pleasure than some dumb Youtube video on your work desktop.  I guarantee that the quality of the performances will be much greater than the money that you pay at the door....please don't hold me to that.

Friday, April 20th @ 7:30 p.m. (*)
Saturday, April 21st @ 7:30 p,m. (*)
Monday, April 23 - TBA
Tuesday, April 24th @ 9:30 a.m. (*)
Wednesday, April 25th @ 1 p.m.
Thursday, April 26th - TBA
Friday, April 27th @ 7:30 p.m. (*)
Saturday, April 28th @ 7:30 p.m. (*)
Sunday, April 29th - TBA

The TBA's should be solidified by this weekend.  Spring break is this next week.  If you have to choose one night, I recommend the 20th, 21st or the 28th as they have the best sampling of what's going on.  As always, if you have any questions....drop me a line and I'll try not to confuse you more.  Please come and support my new and exceptionally odd passion.

Toodles...have a good one.

Current Mood: creative
Tuesday, March 13th, 2007
8:59 pm
When did *I* become responsible?
Hello my beautiful people, and all of y'all that manufacture belly button lint.  Sorry to have been in hiding, but the whole homework thing had me in a bit of a tangle.  On the plus side, I've got enough excess Polish nose to lose to a grindstone so it hasn't been too crazy making, I've just been hyper focused and good grades in college seem to be the result.  I owe coffee to many and I apologize for not being able to get to the garage to get my WD-40 and a shoehorn to get room pried into my schedule to stuff you into.  I'll fix that....I need to make time for my people before the plays start up in April.  

In my theater class I seem to have been deemed responsible enough to be titled "technical director".  What that means is that the theater is pretty much mine to do with as I want and that all the directors of the one act festival have to come to me to get anything done that they can't do themselves.  There are three student directed one acts, two single person expressions (talking head/soliloqy) and two plays being presented by the intro to theater class.  I'm technical director for all of it answering to the instructor.  So it goes from God to Dr. Mendoza, to me and I delegate from there.  While a bit creeped out by this, I also half expected it.  This will be a whole mess of fun and I do hope you come and see the fruit.  Please don't call the actors fruit, they get pissy.  If time and distance allow you to come and see FREE theater at San Jose Community College, please do come and check it out.  Details to follow here in a week or so.  We are doing some pretty interesting stuff.  It's college so there's a raw edgyness to it that is lovely and tangible and very intimate.

Radio show is at 1 tomorrow afternoon.  That's 1300 hours Pacific on Wednesday the 14th of March.  There's been rumors back and fourth for awhile now that Arion Salazar is leaving 3EB.  I'm not going to the shows at the Filmore tonight and tomorrow night.  Not sure if I'm going to bother with the next album.  Sorry boys...something about Arion that makes it right and without him, it's just not right.  That's how I feel and I'm not going to dwell on it further.  In connection my feelings on the subject I'm dedicating the whole of tomorrow's show to Jethro Tull (a band that always pleases me deeply) and the new artists that have been inspired by them.  If you like Tull, give a listen.  If you don't like Tull, please do try to make time to listen anyway.  Maybe I can create a new fan or at least develop some new appreciation in you or something.  If not, I wish you a warm Sporran and I'll blog to you later.  http://www.live365.com/stations/kjcc

Keep being beautiful.

Current Mood: surprised
Wednesday, February 14th, 2007
1:18 am
Valentine's Day Radio Show....

Hello my beautiful people.  When I signed up to do a radio show, I never really gave my time slot a lot of thought beyond making it fit into my school schedule without the use of grease and a shoe horn.  I mostly went for the day of least resistance and that I was out of class the earliest.  Less impact on my family life and all that stuff right?  My show is going to be traditionally at 1:00 p.m. Pacific on Wednesdays for the rest of the semester....make a note to be tuned into the website to enjoy it.  I didn't mentally project myself forward enough in time to think about the fact that I was going to have a show on St. Valentine's day.  Go to this URL tomorrow please:

http://www.live365.com/stations/kjcc

You're actually in for a treat beyond my usual musical mahem.  I've scoured my household archive to bring you a number of questionable choices on the subject of love.  Now, I know what you're thinking...well...okay, maybe I don't...but I can hear the potential cries of agony.  I'm not really planning on playing any traditional love songs per se, more just getting some of my favorite artists interpretations on the subject.  While I did pick some love songs to play, I did have an plan when I thought about all this.  I was a bit taken aback at the sheer volume in my musical archive on just a cursory title search of "love".  Taking out everything by "Love is Colder than Death" (who don't have a single song with "love" in the title in what I personally own) and most of the works of Lyle Lovette (who does have a couple, but I didn't want everything he did because his name had the search string in it) and I still had over 300 songs to go through.  Yeah, we have a pretty big archive...I get it.  Anyway, after a lot of pounding at a silly time of the night, I'm down to 36 songs and something marginally coherent...okay, maybe not coherent and a couple of the transitions between genres are "liable to have people's ears bleeding" (

kiyowaramiyukihas such a gift with language sometimes) but it's my show and I can abuse you as I see fit.   Give me a listen today, February 14th at 1 p.m.

School is keeping me busy.  It is looking like I may end up working for the college in the theater as opposed to having to shave my beard and work at Great America.  It's a very exciting time for me and I'm so happy to see that the world is helping point me towards my studies.  I now declare it exceptionally late...beyond stupid o'clock again.  The CD's are cut for the show, my notes are done for Environmental Science...off to bed.  Blessings upon your houses.

 



Current Mood: chipper
Sunday, February 4th, 2007
12:58 pm
What Price Fur?

Hello my beautiful people.

So I've survived my first week of school.  I had forgotten just how young I was when I last entered the ivy covered halls.  While many of my scholastic colleagues aren't exactly the age of the girl child, they are twice her age...and I'm feeling the distance of 20 years away and 20 years older.  Curious to experience, but there's been a lot of things I've been contemplating lately and it's adding to it.  I'll let you know when the radio show is set to happen (I'll know tomorrow) and there is every likelyhood that I'll be in a play in April/May that you will have to come and see.   It would seem that I'm taking 14 units this semester....I'm not quite sure how that happened but it's fun so far.

So the underlying direction the past few months has been the rather oppressive mantra of "sell the mobile, sell the mobile".  We are sold and the escrow closes on the 9th.  The carpet is down, the shed is painted, the carport is repaired, the yucca tree is trimmed and I have an hour or so of floor cleaning and it's ready to pass on.  I'm going over there on Tuesday just to clean the floor and put the trash bins out for collection.  I'll go back on Wednesday to cut up the rest of the yucca tree and put it in the green bin.  The key goes away and I'm out of there for good.  While a bit sad at the amount of labor that I've put into this project only to sell it, I'm happy to see it not being a great time suck.

So now that I'm clear of that, it's time to go out and get a job right?  So I saw that Great America wanted theater technicians and went the the last day of open call, which was today.  The two young men that interviewed me were very nice.  It was a little disconcerting that I was interviewing for a position that most of my experience in the field was accomplished before the people who interviewed me were born, but I rolled with it.  I interview really well.  They gave me this adorable little test...(if you're facing upstage, which way do you have to turn to face stage right? - what is a gobo?, etc.)  what floored me was that I passed the section on sound mixing and sound equipment setup.  That's only been 22 years or so.  So the interview was a slam dunk, they like me, they were amazed by the experience, impressed with my candor, happy with my attitude and are calling me this week for my intake and badge.

If I want to work part time ops for the concert venue, I can keep my hair long and keep my earings provided that I wear a hat and that the earings are out when I do the intake interview and badge.  If I wanted to work full time, I'd have to lose the hair.  What pains me is I'm going to have to shave the beard for this gig.  I can keep a short mustache, but I have to have a clean chin for the whole season.  No, I don't know what it's going to pay, I have no idea what the commitments are, I'll find out more later.  Be advised that the beard will very likely be gone by the end of next week.  Do not be alarmed.  It is merely a possibility at this point, but it's very likely and I half knew that it would be coming when I walked in.  I figure I'll get a beret and steal Jamie Hyneman (of Mythbuster's fame) look for a little while.  Working concerts means that I can go back to wearing black flight suits and high boots again.  I loved that look on me and have missed that part of the job.

If I want to work full time in the main theater as a technician, I'd have to cut my hair.  I'm sure I have a price...but I think that one is just a little too high to return back to the industry just yet.  It's not even a union shop, and I'm pretty sure that if it were, I wouldn't have to change a strand of hair on my chinny chin chin or on my head.

Hope you all are happy and well.   Be good to yourselves.



Current Mood: indifferent
Sunday, January 28th, 2007
11:05 pm
I'm sure there was a weekend in there somewhere...
Hello again my beautiful people.  Many apologies for not having posted the last couple of days.  I popped on-line long enough to e-mail one of my college instructors late last night and that's been the bulk of my digital interactions the last 72 hours or so.  I realize that many of you can't make it that long...sometimes I can't find the time to get to the machine.  Part of being connected to the Internet seems to involve that annoying sitting down and focusing thing.   Haven't had a lot of that.

When last we left our hero, I was dedicating a day to working on the basement and garage.  I won the first part of that on Friday afternoon.  The girl child was off at a birthday party so we had a child free day.  I spent the day shuffling my worldly possessions around my basement.  We had a number of things still on the bare concrete and while it's a relatively dry space, having stuff on the cement is less than ideal.  Folding chairs, a couple of tents, things like that.  Mostly I just made the space a bit more open and gathered like stuff together.  The bicycle gear was way out of control and I got it all out so that it was more at hand, hung up the helmets, made sure the bike bags were all visible on the shelves...all that groovy organization stuff.  I also finished the cleaning and did a mental overview of what it would take to put some lighting down there as opposed to the shop light that we are using currently.  I know that if I don't get the shop light out I'm either going to burn my arm on the thing or knock it over.  Both would suck but now I have some semblance of a plan and just need the available time and small lump of cash to make it a reality.  Since the space is much more easy to cope with, having the shape of what I want to do is half the battle.  Right now, the basement is almost pleasant to be in.  I'm not going to move my bed anytime soon, but it's much more roomy and I can find and move stuff.  

I also started the process on the garage.  That's a much longer journey.  Some of kiyowaramiyuki 's relatives have stepped up and asked for some pictures and recipes from Grandma and Great Grandma's vast archive.  While I'm more than happy to box these (most of the recipes are for food none of us can eat and the pictures are of relatives that I don't know), I also know that said relatives haven't been here in a long time and the likelyhood that they are going to stop by and pick them up is more slim than my waistline.  I'll be taking advantage of DHL's pregnant yak rate most likely here in the coming weeks as to ship these heirlooms off and not store them is cheap at twice the price.  Again, I'm reminded of just how much having junk in your life really costs.  At some point, these women bought this stuff or someone bought it and gave it to them, which did cost money.  I personally just can't get enough (highly sarcastic tone here) of wire hangers wrapped in nasty acrylic yarn to protect my delicate hangables, fans made from plastic eating utensils and paper lace, and other items that are too hideous to name in this archive.    My dumpster runneth over.  They moved these items until they became unable to move themselves.  Then, we moved those items under their watchful eye.  Now, not only did they pay money to keep this stuff (for fun, calculate how much a square inch of storage in your world is worth in rent/mortgage...if you have a storage unit, you'll be appalled) but it cost them time to relocate it/store/display it and cost us time to move it all from one place to another...three times over in the case of the treasures in my garage currently.  To pay shipping to get it far away from me and in the hands of somebody that will keep it?  Priceless.  A note to all my friends over the coming months.  DO NOT allow me to borrow your car keys when you visit my house unless you are with me.  There's a bunch of stuff that the relatives don't want and I'm a desperate man.   It might also be a wise idea to keep a close eye on me when I visit your house to make sure you don't end up with a spare commode chair (I appear to have many of them) or add to your collection of clothes hangers.  I can't recycle them and, as I said, I'm desperate.

Friday night, punkmom, aegl and I went to do the late night knits with kiyowaramiyuki at the yarnstore.  Lovely evening that ended quite late.  The girl child doesn't do overnight parties very well so we left the store around 12:30 in the morning, picked up her sleeping body from the party, and all came home.  Saturday morning started with a trip to Lowe's to get indoor/outdoor carpeting for the mobile home.  As per normal, what should have been a simple 1/2 half afternoon project turned into a two day festival of surprises and discoveries that cost us time and money.  Pulled up the carpet on the big porch, found that the plywood had seen a bit too much weather so we needed to replace a piece of it.   So off to the local Home Depot to get a piece of it...simple right?  The flooring ply in this particular case is a standard 4x8 foot sheet...put it on top of the Saturn Vue, couple of straps, don't drive fast...all is good.   Except in this case, the stuff is an inch and an eighth thick so each sheet is a good 150 or so pounds...heavy and awkward.  We got one back to the mobile and got the carpet up before it got dark.  I got aegl home, helped my favorite fiber artist wrangle some awesome spinners and then aegl and I started again early this morning.  We scraped up the old glue, bought a second plywood sheet because one wasn't really enough, a trip out to buy screws and a second glue trowel, a trip to Zanker Road landfill to dispose of said damaged flooring and old carpet, and we still didn't get done.  

One of the more exciting challenges was the lift platform proved to be a complete nightmare to remove.  The company that installed the lift must have had a discount at the hardware store because they didn't spare any expense on deck screws...one every 6 inches or less and sometimes two where one just didn't seem adequate or where there was a join between two pieces of framing.  Average screw was about two or more and I'm very happy we had both cordless drills.  Hell has a special place for people that build stuff like this...they have to use manual screwdrivers to disassemble their own work.  There's a special place next door to that for the people that misuse staple guns.  Speaking of which...and I know that none of you would ever do this on the back steps of your mobile home...but if you do, remember the pain which we have experienced today.  On the front steps, there was one layer of carpet and glue.  Nothing exciting, a bit dirty, some scraping and the world was fine.  On the back steps was a rare and special treat.  Seems that the old carpet was glued down quite firmly, enough so that when it came time to put the next layer of carpet down, they didn't want to take the first one up, so they didn't.  Now then, you can't put glue down on carpet so what did they do?  They stapled the new carpet down...every two inches.  I went to the dump...and my beautiful husband pulled all that mess apart....discovering that the back steps aren't attached to the mobile any more than the front steps are.   You really don't want to know how this all is constructed...there are places where sane people should remain blissfully ignorant.  I tried, but you all know that I'm far from sane and I will keep this knowledge so that you do not have to go through this.  Learn from my mistakes and benefit from my being in the wrong place at the right time.

On the plus side, we are both very good at installing indoor/outdoor carpeting now.  Carpet glue is nasty stuff and if you can go your whole life and not work with it, do that happily.  It's mostly off my hands now and I can't express how happy I am about that.  If I'm good, I'll be done with the one man show projects and aegl and I will go back next Saturday for a couple of hours and finish up the last tidbits.  Our realtor Goddess seems to think that if it all goes well, we will be closed by February 9th and we shall be free at last.  I'll smile when the wire transfer goes through and the numbers change in Quicken.  School is tomorrow and I'm ready.  Didn't get it all done, but didn't expect to either.  Some closure and I'm ready and raring to go back to the wonderful world of education.  A part time job that has me working nights and weekends would be nice too.  That's on the task list soon.  Catch ya'll.  I'll let you know how my great return to the halls of learning goes....and how many more discoveries I can make about my second home before I get the thing sold.

Current Mood: accomplished
Thursday, January 25th, 2007
7:47 pm
A Life Lived in Chaos...
FIgured I'd post at a more rational hour.  That and I'm trying desperately to stay warm.  I'm at the daughter's swim practice.  While most people's interpretation of a lovely lounge at a poolside in California brings to mind sunglasses, suntan lotion, bikinis and fluffy drinks with paper umbrellas, the reality at this moment and time is a bit different.   it's right around 48 degrees with a light breeze that reminds me of the nice wind chill calculations I used to do when I rode a motorcycle.  I'm sitting on a cold, concrete, four bench picnic table and wearing about three layers...I'd be wearing four but I need to sit on one to keep the cold from going up my spine.  The girl is in the water and somewhere in about the 1000 yards or so of what will probably look like a 2000+ yard swim tonight.  They had already been in for awhile when I got the pass off with punkmom and aegl.   Lucky for me I'm living in the civilized world...I may not have heat or be able to feel my fingers as I type, but I've got DSL thanks to the Community Center where the girlchild swims.  I love California.

Today was stuffed full so full of events that it's little wonder that it didn't explode or break the space time continuum.  I managed to get about 90 minutes in the basement after I talked to Jeanie Martin, our realtor goddess, and called every Home Depot in Santa Clara county on the quest for brown indoor/outdoor carpeting.  I want the mobile home that we bought for my Mother-in-law to sell now, I'm past all done.  Between the last minute repair requests from the park, coupled with the roller coaster ride that is the application process that the buyers have to go through, my heart can't take it.  The reality is that it is going to sell, I just have to be Zen about it.  If any of you ever have any desire to own another property for any reason, let me be the first to tell you about the pain in the tuckus that decision can lead to.  If you must, I have but two words for you..."management company".  Because of our position when we acquired this property and the fact that I was married to the daughter of the tenant, that wasn't an option for the likes of me.  In short, I'm glad it's going to sell, I'll be happy to be done with the thing as far as upgrades and upkeep and repairs, and the money would be really nice.  I have a lot more skills than I did before this property came into my life.  I might consider myself handy someday.

So the girl has gone into the shower which means that I don't have much to entertain me beyond the steam coming off the water and the spinning class going on to my left inside the fitness center.  I'm going to tune out, finish the last couple episodes season one of the X-Files that I have been working on.   Shut my brain off for awhile.  I did get a fair amount written last night including a couple of new directions.  I've got a snippet that deals with our culture of silent and shameful spin.  It's a shadow still...but it's taking shape nicely as I pull it out and look at it.  Perspective came to me in about half an hour....some pieces need to be carved out of the living rock.  Happens like that.  Stay warm.








Current Mood: cold
1:54 am
My Personal Slider Puzzle
Hello my beautiful people. I finally got a decent amount of sleep last night, but I'm back up again at near stupid o' clock, drinking tea and writing. It's my way.

I'm taking kiyowaramiyuki to the shop tomorrow and then going right back into the garage/basement shuffle again. I cleared the driveway of all the tree debris. We have a gorgeous bay tree in the back yard and while I'm sure the street value for the thing is unbelievable, it drops leaves and berries all year which creates less than ideal conditions for hauling boxes from one place to another. The basement stairs are also cleared of all the dust and leaves that accumulated from the last year's wind and storms. I've replaced the basement doors twice in the last 10 years and while this set is light and functional (you can't fall into the basement if you step/stand on them, ergo sum = functional) they aren't so tight as to keep all the debris from the back yard out of said basement. I'm also pretty sure that an OSHA representative would have a coronary in reference to my whole house, but the steps to the basement are a special treasure. The treads are only about 8" or so and the kicks are about 9". Cover the steps with leaves, make the opening such that anybody over four feet easily hits their head when they hit the bottom step and you know why my basement is not on my house tour.

So there I was with a broom and a box fan, sweeping up the dirt and dust and blowing it out from under the house, windblown cold and covered in crud. Again, I forgot to wear a mask so I've got the requisite dirty air cough and nose full of brown crud (sorry about the imagery there). On the organization front, I sorted all the Ostara stuff and managed to get it all into two boxes from five and a bag. Last year for Easter, Grandma and Great Grandma gave us some absolutely hideous plastic rabbit statuary. Farmer bunny and Mrs. Farmer bunny. While mindful that some horrible accident could have befallen them today as I was packing them away, I also realized that they might be missed. Could have easily been one box of stuff if I'd offed them, but no, it's two. All the Yule stuff was packed very carefully by my sweeties just a few weeks ago and is very tidy. I packed the Samhain stuff myself so it's all set. Tomorrow's festival is shuffling the things in the basement to make room for the Mom/Grandma stuff in the garage. I was hoping that I'd get to that point today but my stuff wasn't ready yet. Goes like that.

Tomorrow is one of those days that finds me very happy that I'm poly and very sad that we all are so busy. Without causing your brain to explode with all of the chaotic details of who is going where and why, let's just say that it's all going to get done. Every once in a great while I take a step back and think about how other people's lives go from zero to psycho faster than a BMW K1100 and am always amazed at when that happens to my family. I think we are all too busy. Everybody in the whole world is too busy. Just because I think that, doesn't have any bearing on what's going to happen or what needs to happen. Careful orchestration, split second timing, and the ability of each person in my house to be in six places at once does make it seem really easy from the outside, I'm sure. We are forced to make up for all that immaculate, machine-like, synergy when it takes us an hour to get out of the house to go to the zoo. It all balances out and tomorow will be glorious....except for the basement. T hat will be dusty....but not as bad as today.   I have one car, punkmom has the other one and all five of us will magically appear where expected.  Call David Copperfield.

Catch ya'll.

Oh...almost forgot. Enjoy one of the unearthed collection.  I still haven't found the other one I need to rewrite so I'm giving up on it for the time being.  When it surfaces, I'll pound it flat and put it up here.  In the meantime, here's one of my favorites.

Perspective

 

I live at the edge of the world

it's in my back yard

just beyond the garden gate

right next to the old plum tree

 

some days people come by

mumbling that all their lives

they were told they had a round world

so they skeptically come calling

 

the dust of their lives

blended with complete disbelief

traps itself in my living room carpet

as they pass through to the back

 

they come by day after day

just to stand at my garden gate

eyes wide to the lies

all to see the edge of the world

 

a swatch of the sky, a cliff edge

a drop into the darkness of infinity

since you can't actually see the infinity

most of them just walk away silent

 

I planted corn last season over there

tomatoes the season before over there

and the edge of the world is...over there

it's my back yard, I just point

 

a man came to my porch late one night

"The edge of the world is closed" I yelled

he kept knocking

I put down my book and let him in

 

he looked at me with wonder and asked

"Is this the top of the world?"

I was sure that had to be someplace else

so we talked about that until the sun came up

 

the man had climbed up the edge

showed me the rope and everything

so for him, my edge was his top

our edge...whatever

 

so he lives just below the cliff now

I helped him build a house

made a solid ladder as he's getting up in years

and we have tea every afternoon

 

my people come to see the edge of the world

his people come to see the top of the world

sometimes we drink whiskey and talk til dawn

about everybody elses perspective

 

I live at the edge of the world

it's in my back yard

right there, next to the old plum tree

ignore the ladder

 

- ghost

July 19, 2000

Tales from the Odd Angled room




Current Mood: optimistic
Tuesday, January 23rd, 2007
11:52 pm
Sleep is for the weak! Okay, I'm weak.
Hello my beautiful people.

I was up very late last night making my radio show happen. Tragic really, as we had a lot of technical difficulties in the station today and last night was a little festival of them as well. The fact that I was sleep deprived for my peculiar system didn't help my mood much. I keep waiting for that place where I get "old" and don't have to sleep as much, or can't sleep as much. I'm sure that was mentioned as part of the oral history or on a leaflet or something. It seems that if I get less than 4 hours in a 36 hour cycle, I seem to start to pay for it at around the 30 hour mark or so. I miss being young, but when I was younger, I slept more, it just didn't suck as much when I didn't sleep.

Aside from being a bit fraught, the show went pretty well. I got a fair amount of new music played, got a lot of what I wanted to spin out there and rolled with the technology failing around me. Didn't sound all that chaotic from my side of the microphone, so I'm pretty sure it didn't totally suck out there in the cosmos. I got off campus and after a brief stop at the house, went straight off to the yarn store (http://www.purlescenceyarns.com if you've been living under a rock or something). Finally got the white board hung up on the wall after two months or so. It's a 75+ pound particle board monster with large doors, a white board and tray for pens and stuff, two cork boards on the inside of the doors and an interior retractable screen for projection. Very sexy but weighs a bit so the wall mounts had to be pretty burly. Drilled a 3-1/2 lag screw into one of the wall studs and put a 1/4 butterfly spring clip on the other side. The designer could have made the supporting bracket a handy 18 inches so that it bridged across two standard stud widths, but no. The wall is not to code anyway so it's not a big deal. I'm not sure which fastener will last longer anyway as the 1" wall board is a paper reinforced extruded concrete. A far cry from your average hunk of gypsum drywall.

punkmom  started the day at the shop painting the door to the bathroom and decorating with the fairy art that we've collected over the past couple of months. By the time I showed up, the door jamb was painted, the bathroom door was painted, the back door had a coat of primer, and lovely fire fairy picture has been installed above the back door. I made yet another hardware store run to both OSH and Home Depot and acquired the bits for the hanging of the dreaded white board, chains and rods to display sweaters from the ceiling, a short extension cord for the microwave (damn cord was two feet too short to make it to the nearest outlet in the new back room configuration) and transitions for the back room. I managed to get the floor mostly prepped (still some glue and residual yuck) for the transition from the main room to the back room, carpet to cement, but I haven't been able to locate a masonry bit small enough and burly enough to handle the tacks for the transition. The cement was poured sometime in the early 50's and it's brittle and hard. I'm in the garage tomorrow all day so I'll see what I have available on my shelf since the hardware stores were less than accommodating.

I'm looking forward to tomorrow and I'm dreading it. Tomorrow I'm in the garage all day. I've had this giant mass of my Mother-in-Law's and Great Grandma's possessions in a pile in the middle of the garage since I moved them from the mobile into the world. The reality of the situation is that neither woman is using any of that stuff and won't be in the near, or likely far, future. Some of it just needs to move on to new homes, some needs to go directly into the trash, but some needs to be archived and boxed and then go someplace that isn't where I'm trying to do woodworking or household projects. My adventure may well find me in the basement in mid afternoon, shuffling holiday boxes and camping gear about in an attempt to store the vast and amoeba-like pile. It's more than a day, possibly more than three, but I need to dedicate at least one day to it all before I even attempt to wrap my brain around when I'm going to escape it. One difficulty is that I want to throw it all away...everything. Perhaps a little more healthy of a response is that I don't want to have to worry about my stuff if I become unable to care for it. If there is ever anything to be said about the relationship I have had with my in-laws these great many years, it's that I don't want to repeat their mistakes....and we got a pretty cool wife out of the deal too.

So I'm going to go and move stuff in my garage in my brain for a few hours. I'm hopeful that my vast mental powers will move it all while I'm asleep. If that doesn't work out, I'll move it all by hand tomorrow. Wish me luck. No poems today...maybe tomorrow. I'd most likely fall asleep in my editing....that's no fun.

Current Mood: sleepy
12:17 am
Musings about my filing system...or lack thereof...
Yeah, yeah...check for pods. Two nights in a row?

Please do tell people to come and read. I went to a friends journal, saw the link for somebody that I used to clean for (who is also a good friend too...I rarely clean for people I don't like) and saw other people's journals that I'm sure I know and they all went to this weird event where they all wore these weird clothes. Maybe that's what they do now in Modesto or you have to go there if you do something like that. Must have been a play.

I'm serious about this whole communication thing and I'm not going to stop anytime soon. I'm supposed to be doing the design for my radio show, but that doesn't seem to work before midnight so I'll write....aren't you lucky? Feel special.

So anyway, what I was going to muse about....or rant...whatever. I've managed to get the sweetie that is also the house network administrator (see why poly is so cool?) to show me how to access the old backups so I can get the writing archive back into the light. Understand that most of what I've written spans the course of the last 28 years. Lucky for me, I discovered this whole computer thing pretty early on. When I started writing, I knew that paper wasn't going to cut it for me as I lose things or worry that I'm going to lose things. Initially, I kept all of my writings in an old cash box, in my steamer trunk at the foot of my bed. When I acquired a computer that had something resembling memory (my first machine was a Magnavox Oddessy which had a keyboard but didn't have power off memory) I entered everything that was printed into it. As a strange aside, the first directory I ever created was on that precious TRS80 and was for my writings. I taught myself basic so that it didn't take me so long to create a file. Every once in a while, I miss that machine for it's raw simplicity. It never crashed and took only about twenty seconds to power up. When I sold that machine (sometime in 1984 or so), I borrowed a friend's printer and printed each file and meticulously retyped them all into my Commodore 64's word processing program so they had something resembling formatting. My Commodore was state of the art for it's time (it crashed hourly just like the modern machines of today) and was upgraded as my budget could manage. Had a cassette drive for a long time (loved that Fort Apocolypse) and when they came down enough in price, I spent that $60 (tons of cash in 1987) on the single sided 5.25 floppy drive. Lucky for me my employer of the early 90's had these awesome high impact plastic machines that ran applications on 5.25 floppies (I'd say it was a portable machine but I would have to include cinderblocks into my perception of portable and that's not right - it did have a shoulder strap but I think it was decorative). While that machine's word processor didn't like the Commodore's file format all that much, it did read and I was able to take that archive and convert them again. A couple of years later, I took the files through the same word processing program (does anybody even remember Enable?) and converted them all to WordPerfect 5.1. Lucky for me, those are all "readable" (albeit with all of the formatting as a wad of ASCII garbage) in Word, which it makes me sad to use, it still is the standard for publishing last I heard. All the while, I've been writing in what I've had available to me.

Most everything I've written in the past five years has either been in word or text files or on paper. Like my youth, the paper has been the thing that has been my undoing. I have a box in my room of little snippets and insights, plot outlines, character perspectives, and even complete works that never made it to the machine. I was looking for one of those tonight to share here, but can't lay hands on it. It needed to be rewritten anyway...you'll understand when I kick it out in the next couple of days. My room is on my list in the next couple of days as I have a number of unfinished projects hiding in it that need that minute or two of attention.

I spent today doing the bathroom cleaning (nothing cools the savage OCD than being able to dedicate an uninterrupted 3 hours to making my bathroom feel like a day spa), some other light housekeeping and am playing laundry right now. I expect to have the bulk of tomorrow late night to see what I can do with the archive. Delete the duplicates, ditch the more serious examples of bad teenage writings, and then look at what I have from there. I figure that project alone is the bulk of my evenings between now and the 29th. So much to do and while I have the rest of my life and all that, I want some things done so I can go to school without those specters hovering in the background. Got enough of those with the original owner of the house, thanks.

So you'll get some poetry tomorrow night. Two if I can find the one I mentioned and rewrite it...it's time and it should be in the digital and not on a slip of paper in my room somewhere anymore.

Be good to yourselves.

Current Mood: nostalgic
Monday, January 22nd, 2007
12:56 am
Waiting for What?
I suppose that I've been silent long enough that many of you have started to question what's going on. To be honest, I've not been the happiest of beings this last year. A lot has to do with an underlying dissatisfaction with my being and I'll admit that Yahoo! didn't help with that. Not to say that I'm not thankful for the gifts I've received and the gifts that I continue to receive. I passed five years sober, two years off the cigarettes, ran two half marathons last year, Ruth is my beautiful inspiration, my family is supportive and awesome, I'm warm and safe and even starting school to follow one of my great passions. In other news, I broke a small bone in my foot in the beginning of December and hit the sudden stop in my running, I want to start up another steps group and have no idea when I'm going to find the time, I'm tired of how there world's going to hell and my tolerance for people that are too mean to die is growing smaller each passing day. Shy of going on a rant against the machine, oppressive mobile home park regulations, and the government while on here, I've decided that something needs to be done.

I haven't written much here, I'm sure you've noticed. My correspondences have lapsed to even less than this and I haven't written much of anything shy of a poem or two over the past year. I think part of that has to do with available energy, but a lot has to do with being afraid that my words will fall where many have before...nowhere.

I've lived a lot of my life poised on this weird edge. On the one hand, I want to write. Poetry, short stories, articles, classes, lyrics, books...I move around this world with songs in my head and a constant litany of moments and questions. Half the time, I end up reading something and thinking to myself "what do you mean it's okay to say that?" as if the author of this or that had some release to speak. It seems to me that I almost need confirmation to say what I want to the world. For some reason, I'm not sure why now of all times, that need is gone. Perhaps approaching 39 was when I needed that, or something in me has broken apart or received that permission. I don't know what it was that happened, I just know it's gone.

So, before I go out and become the next Hunter Stockton Thompson, I've got a week or so to get my life in order. I figure the writing and the study will go well with school. I also have enough stuff (from all the years that I was writing) that is still fresh and someone else hasn't absorbed from my subconscious mind and penned already that I can push out. This week I'm cleaning the house, working on finding the garage, getting the house finally situated with all of Mom's and Grandma's crap and trying to get my life back in line. In short, I'm tired of waiting to live my life now. I'm rested and it's time to get on with some stuff. I'll let you know how it goes.

Oh, now might be a good time to start telling people that I have a blog now. So, if you know somebody that I know, tell them that I exist in the digital, mention me in your digital journal of choice, put the link on your car, whatever. I'm going to start using this a personal bulletin board of sorts for my activities. If you don't tell your kindred, then you won't know anybody at the fabulous events except me. It's okay, I'll introduce you around as best I can, but you know how bad I am at names.


In the meantime, if you don't mind a shameless plug and have nothing better to do on Tuesday January 23 at 9 in the morning....my radio show at school is at:

http://www.live365.com/stations/kjcc and this week will be my last three hour show. I'll keep you posted as to when I'll be on this semester. Which means I'll be posting again in another week.

Current Mood: discontent
Saturday, September 30th, 2006
3:09 pm
I am so NOT surprised, for...
I am 50% Evil

I am evil, but I haven't yet mastered the dark side.
Fear not though - I am on my way to world domination.


Current Mood: sleepy
Friday, September 29th, 2006
11:47 pm
Even the words are tidy...
Hello my people....I know, I know...it's been so long. I've been a tidge busy, but now was the time to post. It's lovely to be back, I said that nearly a year ago I'd write more. I didn't...now I am. I'm trying for shorter posts too. Nifty, huh?

As many of you know, I returned to the wilds of technology for awhile and left the wonders of housekeeping. I still don't plan to return to that career direction, sorry about that. Now, while even my own home is sadly in need of my attentions, I still do a fair amount of research on the subject of cleaning, keep advised of new cleaning products, and lament that I never really get to spend enough time with my trusty (insert shameless product plug here - http://www.dyson.com/range/feature_frame.asp?model=DC07-ANIMAL ) Purple Dyson DC07 Animal.

This evening, moments ago, I found a lovely .pdf out there that moved me as close to tears as much as any truly clinical and hyper scientific document could. I wanted to share it with the world. I wept, I read bits of it out loud, I was captivated. I will admit that it's a bit dry, but dry is good...little germies don't like dry things. Those of you who are hyper clean OCD freaks like myself will bask in the glow of the perfect and descriptive language. Most of you will pass out completely unconscious before you even read the sweet definitions of hygienic surface or Nephelometric Turbidity Unit (NTU for short). So, I recommend that you click, load up on your favorite caffeinated beverage (from either a hermetically sealed container that has had the top soap scrubbed and then rinsed off with 100 degree water for 30 seconds or a tidy clean, dishwasher fresh, cup) and pay attention. This is cutting edge stuff concerning domestic health considerations....like how clean your home is...right now...for you and everybody in it.

http://www.ifh-homehygiene.org/2003/2public/IFHrecomends.pdf

Give that a good read...then go and wash your hands because they've been touching the dirty keyboard and mouse. Catch ya!

Current Mood: giddy
Monday, January 2nd, 2006
2:47 am
...and so it begins...
Hi there. For those of you who know me, you're probably near speechless. Yes, fair children of light, it does appear that I've broken down and finally blogged. So what was all the fuss about? Why did he take so long? What was the thing that was holding him back? Let me tell ya…

I despise journaling and diaries. I always have. I’ve never been disciplined enough to write an amount of stuff at any specific interval. I owned a diary when I was but a lad (no, I’m not a tuna fish now, but I’m far older than lad stage, I’m sure) but it was restrictive to my being by its very design. It had lines, dates, a specific number of lines under each date, and a quirky little notion that more happened during the week as opposed to the weekend, symbolized by more lines being available to Monday through Friday than Saturday and Sunday. I used that diary for two months, religiously. Then I missed a day and there was this annoying blank spot that I couldn’t go back and fix because the day had already passed and I couldn’t really go back. Then I lost the diary for a couple of weeks, lots of blank spots there, I put in a piece of paper from where I wrote when I couldn’t find the diary, but that sat awkwardly as a marker to my having lost it, which irritated me further.

I’ve kept that diary and even gone back to read it on occasion. To this day, I can’t believe that I was that inane…that mindless…that boring. Then I though that maybe it was the media that was holding some portion of my expression back somehow so I started journaling in blank books and books without dates and just lines. Many of those also are in archive and I was inane and mindless and boring in those too. Sometimes I’d say something pointed that struck me as witty or slightly deep and I’d be proud of myself that I’d managed to hit that point of enlightenment at that juncture or span. But by and large, I’d find myself irritated that I didn’t see what was in front of me, that I’d missed some direction, or that there was some event looming on the horizon that I’d now been through and was obvious by it’s signs…signs that I could see that I’d missed. The books were not the answer.

I had a computer a full year before anybody else I personally knew (it was a Commodore 64 and it was a very long time ago). Many thousands of hours of writing were converted from one text program to another, one word processor to another, one platform to another and now sit quietly on hundreds of floppy disks. All of those disks are scheduled to be converted to more modern word processing programs and onto a more permanent media. CD, DVD or flash perhaps. Countless poems, musings, unsent correspondences, insights, desires, dreams, to do lists, theories, points, rants and styles. Some things I saw well before they became vogue, other things I predicted fell shy. The ironic thing about all of those writings is that they have never been seen by another human being, beyond myself of course. I did some shared poetry with a friend fifteen years ago and felt comfortable to allow that work to see the light. Some of my friends and family have seen that archive. To date, I’m pretty sure that even my family doesn’t know that for each one of those poems are perhaps a hundred or so pieces or incomplete bits of work piled lovingly on my digital shelves.

So what’s really kept me from blogging? It’s obvious that I know how to write, why haven’t I written more here? I have the typing speed of Gods…why is it that my fingers have taken so long to point some of that energy in this direction? Time and truth. I’ll explain some more. Hell, you’re trapped now. Might as well finish it right?

I write constantly. Every moment of my life is a soliloquy. It’s most likely a dysfunction. Mind you, I’ve done a complete overhaul of my addictions in the past five years, medicated my anxieties, gone off the medications, quit smoking a year ago, and been writing the whole time in a constant monolog, I don’t think it’s going to go away, even if I wanted it to. I’m not really sure I want the world to read it. It’s raw, it’s sometimes ugly and gruesome and most of the time it’s whiney and boring. It is very me. For those of you who don’t know me or don’t actually like me very much, this will most likely piss you off or be the ultimate insomnia cure. I’ll never know….have a great time. So the time portion is mostly focused on writing things that I think people might want to read. Because of the volume of unpublished anything, it’s possible that I’m spending time writing stuff that I want to read, but eventually you might like to read it to. This type of journaling, I believe, isn’t about that. I could be wrong…that happens a lot.

So what’s this truth crap? Well, simply put, when I journal, I have this wacky habit of mentioning stuff that I might want to do. Sometimes I say stuff that I want to think about doing. I might even go so far as to imply that I might be slightly curious about something with no intention of really being interested in it beyond reading a pamphlet about it. The problem with that is I’ve mentioned it. Two things happen. I end up being held the teensiest bit accountable for it. “You said that you were thinking about going to study Mandarin next month”…as an example. Well, it’s next month and I haven’t even bought a book or a tape or even gone out for Chinese food….what’s up with that? Nothing except there are people reading this. People who like me, care about me, want me to succeed, or want to de-junk by offloading obscure books and tapes about learning the Mandarin language in your spare time.

So why am I now blogging? Well kids, I’ve got to tell you…I’m sick of the world and the state that it’s in. I’m fed up with our leaders and a vast majority of the followers. I believe we have gone backwards and are continuing to slide further and further into a mindless Victorian era with ethical conundrums that would make the most devout among us question their foundations. Most of the people that have intellects are using them to survive or not get caught. I’ve even seen some that are using their intellects to enable themselves to feel superior at the cost of other peoples feelings and shame responses. I’m tired of being silent. What I do know is that I’m one voice in the machine. There are many cries out there and I’m going to have to spin some very radical thoughts to be heard. I have them…they are a bit dusty. More to follow another night. Be good to yourselves, in between, please.

Current Mood: calm
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